I woke up one morning, I found myself locked up in a place, it was dark ... I tried to scream ... but no one listened, I tried to breath, yet the harder I tried the more I suffocate, I tried to remember what got me in that place, why was I there, and all i could think of was laughter, I laughed for a while then caught in a moment thinking to my self what the hell am I doing here, when did I led myself in this place, I just knew where I was .. I was in the wrong circle!
Growing up as a Libyan meant to play the game how others expects you to, choosing a circle that you are imposed to, be a people pleaser and follow up the rules which are never meant to be broken! and be that nice person who toss around candy for free to everybody, with no expectations, following the rules meant to be typical, be ordinary, be them, like having that trade mark stamp implying that you were made in Libya no matter how silly the rules may sound, if you don't have that stamp, if you chose to close your candy shop , then you are doomed to be rejected in hell!
Lately I have been giving it a lot of thought about who am I and I came up with one line, in order to be who I am I have to create a virtual circle, this circle is what it is not here, and if it meant to be rejected by society so be it yet .. I am a person who is caught in between cultures, I am blessed by friends who felt the same, we are caught between a world of un-belongness, to say I am a Libyan is not who I am deep inside, and to say I am a Western is not true either!
This virtual circle is where I stand, it is the attachment of my roots mixed with the Western minds, to call myself a Libyan, but what about my mind? My thoughts can never be shared with them as I've been called insane! amature! young ! alien! maybe I am this alien that is fighting my way out of that dark room! maybe I am that young rebel who is desperate for finding herself ,, in her virtual world .. in her middle circle
Growing up as a Libyan meant to play the game how others expects you to, choosing a circle that you are imposed to, be a people pleaser and follow up the rules which are never meant to be broken! and be that nice person who toss around candy for free to everybody, with no expectations, following the rules meant to be typical, be ordinary, be them, like having that trade mark stamp implying that you were made in Libya no matter how silly the rules may sound, if you don't have that stamp, if you chose to close your candy shop , then you are doomed to be rejected in hell!
Lately I have been giving it a lot of thought about who am I and I came up with one line, in order to be who I am I have to create a virtual circle, this circle is what it is not here, and if it meant to be rejected by society so be it yet .. I am a person who is caught in between cultures, I am blessed by friends who felt the same, we are caught between a world of un-belongness, to say I am a Libyan is not who I am deep inside, and to say I am a Western is not true either!
This virtual circle is where I stand, it is the attachment of my roots mixed with the Western minds, to call myself a Libyan, but what about my mind? My thoughts can never be shared with them as I've been called insane! amature! young ! alien! maybe I am this alien that is fighting my way out of that dark room! maybe I am that young rebel who is desperate for finding herself ,, in her virtual world .. in her middle circle
3 comments:
MashaAllah you should become a writer
Conditioning, people do not know better, scared to face them selves, therefore lack knowing themselves, if you do not own a thing, you can not give a thing. identity crisis and human basic connections play a big role in relating to a simple smile, the innate insecurity surfaces when faced with an act of kindness or maybe it is the reality of what a human being is, to be driven by securing first than let go the candy shop, no such thing as every thing is on the house. People who experience universalism, internationalism suffer in such environment, like a flower in the sun, wind and rain, holds on, but its beauty deteriorates by time, not that people do not understand the act of Love, they do not believe in it, it does not occupy a portion of their active brain and upbringing, people are conditioned to "be aware"and " be careful" discussions are usually one sided, and the other does not have enough space in their hard drive for your opinion, cause opinions can kill in such societies, what is important is the brush and the impression. It brings me to the concept of worship, as human beings do worship one another, aspect of one another and icons.
Be well
Krekma
first of all thank you very much
I completly agree with you..
we live in our socity as a rock if we done something differnt then all the hell on us ...
we can't even breath relaxly
yet be careful maybe someone is watching you...
how can we be our selves? how can we know if this wrong or right if we didn't even try it or at leat knows about is ...
we has been ordered to do what we are doing and to be what we don't want to be ...
and we can't fight ,, coz if we do so .. then we are completly wrong ..
I just can't feel my self in this country ... I can't be me ...
but I'd rather to be hated for how I'm than to be loved for who I'm not...
I hate libyan people ...
Post a Comment